Summer TV 2015: Our fearless guide to new shows

Say you were an alien overlord bent on enslaving the human race. You could do worse than have your agents, already in place, create a New Golden Age of Television so that everyone on Earth was compelled, by curiosity or social pressure, to watch TV, and to create new technologies to ensure that they could watch it all the time, and to introduce new shows all year long, so that, instead of spending their summer hiking in the hills or swimming in the ocean or visiting museums, everyone would watch it all the time.

Then when the hypnotic order to submit was broadcast to the world, all humanity would fall in an instant.

So, hey, there’s a summer TV season starting, with a mess of new shows. Let’s take a look at (not even all of) them. Resistance is futile.

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  Streaming

I Can Do That’

(NBC)

Dancing With the Stars,” with the dancing replaced by juggling, magic, acrobatics, Harlem Globetrotting. NBC, 10 p.m Tuesdays

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NBC

The Briefcase’

(CBS)

Each week, two needy families are given $101,000 and a choice to keep it for themselves or give some or all of it away to another needy family also given the same windfall and conundrum. Sentimental torture is the name I give this genre. CBS, 8 p.m. Wednesdays

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CBS

Aquarius’

(NBC)

David Duchovny is an LAPD detective who runs up against an ahistorically hot Charles Manson (Gethin Anthony) in this creepy crawl through the Summer of What at the Time Looked Like Love. All 13 episodes are also available online to swallow whole. NBC, 9 p.m. Thursdays

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NBC

Smile’

(Lifetime)

Dental makeover. Lifetime, 10 p.m. Thursdays

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Cable

Strange Empire: Rise of the Women’

(LMN)

Canadian proto-feminist Old West romance, conveniently set along the U.S. border to feel relevant to “Americans.” LMN, 9 p.m. Fridays

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Cable

Golan the Insatiable’

(Fox)

Aubrey Plaza in the role she was born to play after April Ludgate, as a little goth girl whose best friend is a bloodthirsty demon (Rob Riggle). It’s like “Lassie,” if “Lassie” were about a little goth girl and a bloodthirsty demon, and a cartoon. Fox, 9:30 p.m. Sundays

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Fox

The Whispers’

(ABC)

Ray Bradbury’s story “Zero Hour” is the basis of this sci-fi thriller in which children become the dangerous agents of an unseen force, which is also just the definition of children. Steven Spielberg has a finger in this pie. ABC, 10 p.m. Mondays

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ABC

UnReal’

(Lifetime)

The drama’s all behind the camera in this scripted series set around an unscripted reality dating show. Lifetime, 10 p.m. Mondays

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Cable

Stitchers’

(ABC)

Emma Ishta melds her mind with the recently deceased to solve their murders in a plot device eerily similar to that of “iZombie.” But this is different, because it’s … science. ABC Family, 9 p.m. Tuesdays

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ABC

Secrets & Wives’

(Barbara Nitke / Bravo)

Middle-aged girlfriends who’ve known each other since high school demonstrate that money can’t buy happiness. Bravo, 10 p.m. Tuesdays

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Cable

Sense8’

(Netflix)

From Andy and Lana Wachowski (“The Matrix”) and J. Michael Straczynski (“Babylon 5”). Eight strangers from around the world begin living in one another’s heads yet somehow do not form a jam band. Netflix, all episodes at once

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Streaming

100 Things to Do Before High School’

(Nickelodeon)

Scott Fellows (“Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide,” “Big Time Rush”) turns his attention back to middle school with this adolescent bucket-list comedy. “Yes,” I picture you saying now, with balled fists. Or maybe that was me. Nickelodeon, 8 p.m. Saturdays

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Cable

Becoming Us’

(ABC)

The summer’s gender-transition reality family series that doesn’t star Bruce Jenner looks at a transitioning father through the eyes of his teenage son. ABC Family, 9 p.m. Mondays

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ABC

Odd Mom Out’

(Bravo)

Bravo’s disdainful love for the rich and aggravating finds expression in this scripted sitcom adapted from star Jill Kargman’s novel of Upper East Side maternity and its discontent, “Momzillas.” Joanna Cassidy, Andy Buckley, Abby Elliott costar, so don’t just walk away — I see you. Don’t think I don’t see you, because I do. Bravo, 10 p.m. Mondays

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Cable

Dark Matter’

(Syfy)

A spaceship crew awakens from suspended animation with no memory of who they are or why they’re there. Which is why I never let anyone put me in suspended animation. Syfy, 10 p.m. Fridays

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Cable

The Making of the Mob: New York’

(AMC)

Docudramatic miniseries with a more than usual emphasis on the drama, for those who somehow have never heard this story or need to hear it again. Ray Liotta narrates, with the authority of “GoodFellas” behind him. Episodes will accompany showings of gangster films, like wine pairings at a fancy dinner. AMC, 10 p.m. Mondays

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Cable

Proof’

(CBS)

Jennifer Beals is a doctor employed by cancerous super-rich Matthew Modine to find “scientific proof” of life after death. It was just a matter of funding, apparently. TNT, 10 p.m. Tuesdays

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CBS

Clipped’

(TBS)

High school classmates wind up working in the same Boston barbershop. You know it happens. Ashley Tisdale is here for the Disney Channel kids, Lauren Lapkus brings the alt-comedy cred, George Wendt establishes the spiritual/geographical link with “Cheers.” TBS, 10 p.m. Tuesdays

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Cable

Deutschland 83’

(Sundance)

German import does the 1980s Cold War espionage thing, against the backdrop of Berlin. Sundance, 11 p.m. Wednesdays

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Cable

The Astronaut Wives Club’

(ABC)

Goodbye, Betty Draper; hello, Betty Grissom (JoAnna Garcia Swisher). The stuff behind the Right Stuff is the subject of this ‘60s-set fact-based drama, also featuring Yvonne Strahovski as Rene Carpenter and Dominique McElligott as Louise Shepard. ABC, 8 p.m. Thursdays

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ABC

Complications’

(USA)

Jason O’Mara (“Life on Mars,” “Vegas”) tries on his American accent again, this time to play a disheartened Atlanta doctor who finds himself in the middle of a gang war when he saves a young boy’s life. USA, 9 p.m. Thursdays

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Cable

Killjoys’

(Syfy)

Interplanetary bounty hunters hunt bounties, interplanetarily. Syfy, 9 p.m. Fridays

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Cable

Catastrophe’

(Amazon Prime)

Rob Delaney and Sharon Horgan write and star in an Anglo-American backward romance that begins with sex and pregnancy and then gets around to the rest of it. Amazon Prime, Fridays

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Streaming

Poldark’

(PBS)

A tale of old Cornwall, tin mines and passion, based on Winston Graham’s novels. Aidan Turner (“The Hobbit”) takes the title role, as a young man returned from (losing) the American Revolution to find things changed at home. PBS, 9 p.m. Sundays

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PBS

The Crimson Field’

(PBS)

A six-episode drama set in a British field hospital during World War I France. PBS, 10 p.m. Sundays

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PBS

Ballers’

(HBO)

Dwayne Johnson as you’ve never seen him before — in a suit, snap! — plays a football player turned financial consultant to football players. Boss Rob Corddry leaves the clown makeup at “Childrens Hospital.” Peter Berg (“Friday Night Lights”) directed the pilot. HBO, 10 p.m. Sundays

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Cable

The Brink’

(HBO)

Black comedy with notes of “Dr. Strangelove,” Greene and Waugh, finds Tim Robbins and Jack Black trying to keep the world from total destruction in the wake of a Pakistani coup. Maybe they won’t. HBO, 10:30 p.m., Sundays

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Cable

Another Period’

(Comedy Central)

Natasha Leggero and Riki Lindhome mash together upper-crust turn-of-the-century period drama with contemporary celebrity reality TV, and about time too. Michael Ian Black, Paget Brewster, Brett Gelman, Jason Ritter, David Wain and Christina Hendricks also star. Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m. Tuesdays

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Cable

Mr. Robot’

(USA)

Security tech drone and after-hours cyber-hero Rami Malek finds himself enmeshed in a shadow world of conspiracies and counter-conspiracies. That Malek seems a little reminiscent of Matthew Broderick in “War Games” is probably just my thing. With Christian Slater and Carly Chaikin. USA, 10 p.m. Wednesdays

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Cable

Boom!’

(Fox)

Quiz show in which by answering trivia questions contestants attempt to “defuse a bomb”; if time runs out, it explodes, scattering not shrapnel or nails but comical liquids and foodstuffs. Israeli origin adds subtext. Fox, 8 p.m. Thursdays

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Fox

Humans’

(AMC)

The dream of owning a lifelike robot slave is alive in this British-American co-production based on a Swedish original. It never works out well. William Hurt, Katherine Parkinson play people of the biological sort. AMC, 9 p.m. Fridays

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Cable

Scream’

(MTV)

Probably you were thinking to yourself that the one thing TV is missing now is a place to see teenagers murdered on a regular basis. But that’s about to change. A serial sequel to the self-referential movie franchise. MTV, 10 p.m. Tuesdays

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Cable

Zoo’

(CBS)

Beach-read thriller, based on James Patterson’s novel, in which animals begin attacking humans (who are also animals, hello, but whatever). Seen another way, it’s a feel-good comedy about critters getting their own back. CBS, 9 p.m. Tuesdays

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CBS

Why? With Hannibal Buress’

(Stephen Lovekin / Getty Images for Grey Goose)

The comic (and “Broad City” player) whose onstage comments last year started rolling the ball that landed on Bill Cosby’s head, gets a topical talk and comedy show. The pitch sells itself. Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m., Wednesdays

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Cable

Dates’

Belatedly imported 2013 British comedy focuses on the first meetings between people who have met through an online dating service. Oona Chaplin and Ben Chaplin are both in it, but only one of them is descended from the Chaplin named Charlie. CW, 9 p.m. Thursdays

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Cable

Monica the Medium’

(Michael Fahey / ABC Family)

A reality show following a Penn State student who might actually believe she can talk to dead people. ABC Family, 10 p.m. Mondays

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ABC

Impastor’

(TV Land)

Michael Rosenbaum plays a dude on the run from a loan shark who steals the identity of a gay pastor. Yes, it is just like “Mad Men.” Sara Rue is in it, to everyone’s benefit. TV Land, 10:30 p.m. Wednesdays.

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Cable

The Jim Gaffigan Show’

(TV Land)

Comic Jim Gaffigan plays a version of himself (father of five, fond of food, rumpled, New Yorker) in what will surely not be the last comedy in which a comic plays a version of himself. Ashley Williams (wife), Adam Goldberg (friend, his) and Michael Ian Black (friend, hers) provide contrast. TV Land, 10 p.m. Wednesdays

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Cable

Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll’

(FX)

Denis Leary, in a mullet yet, is a briefly successful old rock star attempting a second act, John Corbett his alienated former bandmate. FX, 10 p.m. Thursdays

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Cable

Geeks Who Drink’

(Robin Marchant / Getty Images)

Zachary Levi as you’ve never seen him — hosting a game show, based on the real-world pub-based trivia smackdown. Inebriation apparently not included, title aside. Syfy, 11:30 p.m. Thursdays

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Cable

Wet Hot American Summer’

(Netflix)

The 2001 cult camp comedy becomes an eight-episode series, set before the original, with Amy Poehler, Bradley Cooper, Paul Rudd, Janeane Garofalo, Ken Marino and Michael Ian Black back in their old but even younger roles, and Jon Hamm, Kristen Wiig, Jason Schwartzman and Chris Pine joining the party. Astonishing any way you look at it. Netflix, Fridays

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Streaming

Tut’

(Spike)

Trailers suggest that things were sexy and action-packed in ancient Egypt in a way we of the 21st century can totally understand. Ben Kingsley is the adviser to the funky boy king, played by Avan Jogia. Spike, 9 p.m. Sundays

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Cable

Knock Knock Live’

(Michael Becker / FOX)

Ryan Seacrest shows up unannounced at your (or somebody’s) door to play games or put on a show. Seen another way, it’s the summer’s most terrifying thriller. Fox

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Fox

Not yet titled Bruce Jenner reality show

(Mark Von Holden / Invision/AP)

It had to happen. E!, 9 p.m. Sundays

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Cable

Stewarts and Hamiltons’

(Evan Agostini / Invision/AP)

The extended broken united families of George Hamilton and ex-wife Alana Stewart get their reality show. How has this not happened yet? E!, 10 p.m. Sundays

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Cable

Significant Mother’

Josh Zuckerman has to deal with the fact that his mother is dating his roommate (Krista Allen). You know this has happened. CW, 9:30 p.m. Mondays

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Cable

Mr. Robinson’

(NBC)

Not a gender-switched musical based on “The Graduate” but a multi-cam sitcom with Craig Robinson as a funk musician, also named Craig Robinson, moonlighting as a high school music teacher. Peri Gilpin (“Frasier”) co-stars, auspiciously. NBC, 9 p.m. Wednesdays

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NBC

The Carmichael Show’

(NBC)

Extra-dry comic Jerrod Carmichael stars as a guy, with a girlfriend, and parents and, you know, the usual stuff. But the parents are played by Loretta Devine and David Alan Grier, and Carmichael himself is a highly funny person. So there is that. NBC, 9:30 p.m. Wednesdays

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NBC

A Wicked Offer’

Couples do bad things for money. It’s a game show. CW, 9 p.m. Wednesdays

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Cable

Kevin From Work’

(ABC Family)

Millennial workplace rom-com features Noah Reid as a lovelorn salaryman and Paige Spara as the co-worker who knows he likes her. Amy Sedaris spruces up the pilot, as she does. ABC Family, 8:30 p.m. Wednesdays

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ABC

Show Me a Hero’

(Richard Shotwell / Invision/AP))

David “The Wire” Simon’s fact-based NIMBY epic stars Oscar Isaac as a Yonkers, N.Y., mayor under federal order to build low-income housing in middle-class neighborhoods in the 1980s. (You can imagine.) Paul Haggis directs. HBO, 9 p.m. Sundays

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Cable

Documentary Now’

(Ricardo DeAratanha / Los Angeles Times)

The superpowerful trio of “SNL” veterans Fred Armisen, Bill Hader and Seth Meyers created this series of phony nonfiction films about things that never happened and aren’t true. But isn’t that just reality TV I hear you ask, or, you know, “The Office”? No, it isn’t. IFC, 10 p.m. Thursdays

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Cable

Blunt Talk’

(Starz)

Sir Patrick Stewart takes the helm of his first full-fledged sitcom as a difficult Briton crashing American cable news. Jonathan Ames (“Bored to Death”) writes and runs the show. Seth McFarlane, who has something to do with cartoons, is the producer who makes it so. Starz, 9 p.m. Saturdays.

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Cable

Public Morals’

(TNT)

Ed Burns writes, directs and stars as a good cop in a dirty world in the summer’s other ‘60s-set procedural, set at the NYPD’s Public Morals Division, where all is neither public nor moral. Michael Rapaport plays his partner, Elizabeth Masucci his wife. TNT, 10 p.m. Tuesdays

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Cable

Todrick’

(MTV)

Workplace docu-series trails Todrick Hall, “American Idol” semifinalist and the Orson Welles of YouTube parodies (“Twerking in the Rain,” “How the Grinch Stole Crenshaw”), as he makes the clips that get the clicks. MTV, 10 p.m. Mondays

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Cable

Credits: Produced by Elizabeth Bourke, David Lewis and Jevon Phillips.